I TRUST IN PROGRESS
What do you say if it would happen to you?
It's a usual day. You just stepped down the stairs in the subway and
you notice on the ground a cardboard box. You don't suspect anything.
You look to it and the people around you begin to disappear. Or to move faster and faster.
Your attention is fixed on that cardboard box. At a moment. That cardboard box starts to move.
On a diagonal from the top left to the bottom right. Or to spin around circles.
Who didn't happen to go by train and to prepare for getting down at a certain station?
Ok, the train arrives in that particular station. Well, as soon as the train reaches the station
it doesn't slow down but keeps speeding as nothing had happened. You are not surprised and
either you feel that time is not passing anymore.
The train has already covered several kilometers and you don't wonder for that platform full
of people and that huge station continue to flow. The train keeps going infinitely through that
endless station. Who are we? Where do we come from? Where do we go? You burst out laughing.
The coolest conversation about evolution I had was with the nurse of our circuit.
Our little girl Anastasia was recently born and Ms Mia Brad, the nurse came almost every day to
our house. She gave us advises, she heartened us, anyway, she was a nice lady, very kind.
She told us once to pay attention also to the caca in the baby's pampers 'cause we should
observe there a progress.
I TRUST IN PROGRESS
An interview with Angela Bontas by Nicolae Comanescu
N.C. _ And there are some guys who burn them with the lighters. Do you know what is it about
A.B. _ Ngh.
N.C _ I notice sometime that I have two lighters. A yellow one and a (blue) black one. And this
happens for a long time. I have these two lighters. Do you understand?
A.B. _ Ngh.
N.C. _ And after that, at a moment, I have only one, the yellow one. As I have never had two
lighters. Those ones, the yellow one and the (blue) black one. I can barely remember that. In
fact, I don't remember at all. I get used with that. I have a single lighter. A yellow one.
But I still feel something. I think it comes from the subconscious. I have a restlessness, you
know. But I don't realize that. On the other hand, do you understand me? I feel something. In
the beginning I'm angry with a single lighter. A yellow one. It's incredible how I forget. That
I had two lighters. Those two lighters, do you understand? I get used with this situation. I
have a yellow lighter and that's all. This is my mood all the time. Did you get it?
A.B. _ Ngh.
N.C. _ And after that I probably lose the yellow one. I have no lighter at all. But I don't
realize that. It's all I know. I have no lighter anymore. I don't remember I would have one.
The yellow one. This is how I am. I have no lighter with me. If I wanna smoke I ask my friends
for light. They give me. I have no lighter. I know nothing more. But I have an anxiety. I think
a part of me is getting angry. It knows everything and it's getting angry. Where the fuck are
those lighters? And I had two. A yellow one and a (blue) black one. After that I had one lighter.
The yellow one. Do you understand? But I know nothing. I am so peaceful. It's incredible how
I forget. But there is an anxiety that's growing bigger. I don't know how to tell you. You do
understand. It's like I would know it from somewhere. But I know nothing. This is my mood all
the time. Do you understand?
A.B. _ Ngh
N.C. _And after that I'm growing crazy. I don't know why, everything seems to be normal,
everything is on its place, and everybody behaves as nothing happened. And nothing happens
indeed. On the one hand I'm calm, I take a cigarette and I fire it with the yellow lighter.
What's so extraordinary? I've always had a yellow lighter. I'm a smoker. I remember I've always
had a yellow lighter. When I wanna smoke I take the lighter and I fire my cigarette. Everybody's
doing the same. Why the fuck it seems to me that's something wrong with that? What the fuck is
going on? I have that anxiety again. Bigger and bigger. It becomes unbearable. Everything is
o.k. every thing is the same, I'm calm and I keep my way. So what the fuck? It's incredible how
I forget. Everything seems normal to me. But I still get angry. It's a part of me that forgets.
Eh, this part is getting angry and it doesn't know why. The other part knows everything. That
part got angry long time ago. It knows everything. But I know nothing. I get used with that. I
mean there's nothing to use with. This is my mood all the time. Do you understand?
A.B. _ Ngh.
N.C. _ And after that, I really get crazy. My head explodes. I have no disposition. Everything
passes by me. I don't couple anything. A guy talks with me and I look at him, as he's a glass
through which you can see the other side. But I see nothing on the other side. It doesn't interest
me. It's not my business. I pass through him as if he was a nylon bag. Everything slicks,
everything falls down, I have no prop at all and I stay calmly on a chair, I take my (blue)
black lighter and I fire a cigarette. Do you understand?
ABOUT THE SUBJECT
The subject is the nothingness. Or, to be more precisely those moments in life when the time
stops to flow as we are used to. When any evolution disappears. Moments that if they really
exist, it means we have been told so fucking many stories and we did believe them all.